Saturday, November 10, 2012

Absent And Accounted For

Breaking news, Leon Panetta is standing on one foot, so he will be unable to testify in this week's Benghazi hearings before the House and Senate Intelligence Committees.

...And sources confirm Hillary Clinton is getting her hair done that day, so she will be unavailable to testify about her role in the Benghazi terror attacks.  She's quoted as saying, "My gal does the best weaves in town, and she's booked solid for weeks in advance.  There's simply no way to reschedule this vitally important meeting."

Shawn Turner, spokesman for the Office of the Director of National Intelligence, has some preplanned vacation days he has to use up, or he runs the risk of losing these days for the entire calendar year, citing unconfirmed reports from the Administrator of Human Resources.  

And Susan Rice, US Ambassador to the United Nations, cites ongoing work on a humanitarian aid mission that will prevent her from attending the closed door sessions, which are aimed at uncovering what President Obama knew, when he knew it, and what he did throughout the attack on the US consulate in Benghazi, Libya on Sept. 11, 2012.  The attack resulted in the deaths of four Americans, including US Ambassador Chris Stevens.  "With over 80 million videos currently uploaded onto YouTube, we are spending countless man-hours to ensure any content that may be offensive, inflammatory, or provocative to Muslims will be exposed and outed with the broadest international media coverage," Rice said in a press release this morning.  "Not all universal rights are equally universal."

Leaving the figure most responsible for overseeing America's botched safety preparations, security operations, and military response that resulted in four unnecessary American murders to testify on his own behalf.  Unfortunately, President Obama is expected not to attend the hearings due to an unavoidable scheduling mix-up placing him on several major talk shows the entire week.  A cabinet spokesman has said the President plans to review the full contents of the hearings, along with his daily intelligence briefings, on his iPad at a fundraiser in Las Vegas the day after the hearings are televised live on CSPAN.

General Petraeus is newly unemployed, and he is free to testify without restriction at any time.

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